How to Reject Neurotypical Rules — Without Burning Bridges or Burning Out
Unmasking adhd & ptsd on your terms. Keep your peace, your power, and your people.
TL;DR Summary:
- You don’t have to play by their rules to succeed. You just have to stop abandoning yourself to keep the peace.
- At work: Learn what’s flexible and what’s not. Build trust with your manager and use structure on your terms.
- At school: Burnout is real. Use accommodations, manage your energy, and don’t try to do it all.
- With family: You may have masked over time — that’s normal. Share what helps, set boundaries, and lead with compassion.
- Unmasking ADHD & PTSD doesn’t mean oversharing — it means showing up in ways that feel safe, sustainable, and true to you.
Most of us were taught that if we just worked hard and followed the rules, we’d be rewarded. But what happens when our neurodivergence “gets in the way” of that? Neurotypical norms were never designed for us — they were built to reward sameness, compliance, and constant output. And when we try to keep up, it can cost us everything: energy, identity, joy.
So what do you do when you’re done playing by those rules — but still want to thrive in a world that expects you to?
This post is for the rebels who are ready for unmasking ADHD & PTSD without unraveling — who want to dismantle the system without self-destructing. Here are some ways to do it in three different settings: work, school, & with family.
1. In The Workplace

Let’s be real: Most of us weren’t taught how to navigate workplace politics — ADHD/PTSD or not. And whether or not you went to college, odds are no one warned you that in most corporate jobs, it’s not just about your work ethic or talent. It’s about your manager. And your relationship with them determines your future.
But what if your manager is cold? Or performative? Or obsessed with “optics” — a vague way of saying they want you to look put-together?
This is where a lot of us get stuck — especially when we’re tired of masking and want to start showing up more authentically at work. We start rejecting everything that feels performative. But here’s the truth:
Not all structure is sabotage. Some rules exist for function. Others are just masked performance. Your job is to learn which ones to bend, which ones to negotiate — and which ones to burn.
Take punctuality. You might be struggling with panic attacks or executive dysfunction every morning as your brain gets with the program. And that deserves compassion — but the workplace isn’t always designed for it. Unless you’ve got a formal disability accommodation that allows flexible hours (which is rare), chronic lateness will chip away at your credibility — fast.
Think about it from a management lens:
If you were leading a team, there are deadlines, client calls, and meetings people have to show up for — no matter what’s going on behind the scenes.
One of your daily objectives is to not make your boss’ job harder by abandoning what they expect from you.
Instead of throwing out structure altogether, try using it on your terms:
Reframe Expectations as Strategy
- Have an honest conversation with your manager. Ask them directly: What does day-to-day success look like in your eyes?
- Compromise on expectations & put everything in writing. Document what they tell you in this meeting — not just to protect yourself, but to build clarity and use these guidelines as a rubric during your performance reviews. Ask where compromise is allowed if you know you can’t fully meet an expectation. Your relationship with your manager is a two-way street. You’re not there to be compliant — you’re there to contribute.
- Reframe “rules” as deposits in your trust bank. Although you now understand what’s expected of you, you probably don’t like having rules. So, a productive way of getting past that feeling is to think of your following the rules as making deposits into your trust bank:
- Every time you show up prepared, or adapt based on feedback — you’re adding to that bank.
- When you slip up (because it will happen), you can pull from the trust you’ve already built. But once your balance hits zero? That’s when things get risky.
- And don’t overthink the analogy — it’s just a tool to help you visualize trust over time.
⚠️ A Note on Justice Sensitivity ⚠️
ADHDers often experience intense Justice Sensitivity. When something feels wrong, it feels wrong — viscerally. We can go into a rage. Like an expectation that you physically or mentally cannot meet due to your disability after you disclose your ADHD, PTSD, etc. to your manager. Or being asked to lie to protect someone at work for wrongdoing.
Before you confront a manager or escalate an issue, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself:
- Is what I witnessed or experienced actually unethical? Is it discriminatory according to the Americans with Disabilites Act (ADA)?
- Or does it just feel unfair in this moment?
If something is truly wrong — like being pressured to lie, disregard policy, or if you/someone else is being discriminated against — trust your gut, but act with care.
- Privately check in with a colleague you trust. Ask if they’ve noticed the same thing.
- Decide together: Is this a misunderstanding to clarify? Or an issue that needs to go to HR or leadership?
Don’t set yourself on fire to prove a point. You can stand your ground without burning the whole place down or risking your job. And often, your workplace may already be building a case against the person to ensure the company is legally letting them go. So don’t be upset if they’re still part of the company days or even weeks after your accusation.
Be Smart About Office Politics
It might feel natural to vent to coworkers, especially when things feel unfair. Don’t.
Do not complain about your manager or workplace to your colleagues — even if they’re doing it themselves. That kind of honesty can (and often will) get weaponized.
Instead:
- Find a mentor. Someone you trust, who understands your industry, and who will keep your confidence. They don’t need to work at your company — in fact, sometimes it’s better if they don’t.
- Ask colleagues about working with your manager — not about your manager.
- What communication style does your boss prefer?
- Do they like early drafts and collaboration, or fully polished work with minimal back-and-forth?
- What kind of feedback do they give most often?
This kind of recon helps you adapt strategically without betraying yourself or anyone else. Plus, your colleagues will understand that you care about your job and want to do well, they will respect you more for that and happily make a deposit in your trust bank.
Want More Support Navigating Work?
Check out this post on how to navigate the workplace as a neurodivergent professional — including real strategies that don’t require masking who you are.
👉 ADHD, Perfectionism & the Corporate Mask You’re Tired of Wearing
And if you need help staying on top of it all, grab my free ADHD Workflow Template — built to help you track projects, manage expectations, and show up with confidence (without the burnout).

Rejecting neurotypical rules at work doesn’t mean opting out of success — it means defining success on your own terms, and choosing when and how to play the game so it doesn’t cost you your sanity.
You don’t have to follow every rule to succeed. But you do have to be clear on:
- Which rules are non-negotiable (like deadlines or client expectations),
- Which rules are performative nonsense (like over-apologizing for being human), and
- Which ones you can reshape into something that actually works for your brain.
This is what it means to choose power with precision:
Not masking to survive — but adapting with intention so you can protect your energy and keep your seat at the table.
2. In School

Let’s start with the obvious: Higher education is kind of a scam.
We’re told it’s the key to success, but somehow are also expected to go thousands of dollars into debt just to get a degree in anything — not because it qualifies you for a specific role, but because it makes you look “hireable.”
Most degrees don’t teach you how to thrive in a job. They teach you how to:
- Take in way too much information at once
- Think critically under pressure
- Write and speak with purpose
- Translate abstract input into something tangible and applicable
And while all this has value, we’ll still learn these skills in the workforce, with experience and time. College just accelerates that pathway.
For ADHDers, school can become a burnout factory. It’s not just the work itself — it’s the pressure to be constantly productive, to stay “well-rounded,” to keep up socially, and sometimes to work a job on top of everything else.
Some of us are full-time students and part-time employees (hi, that was me during undergrad).
Some are full-time students and full-time workers (hi again, that was me during grad school).
Some are athletes, caregivers, or first-gen students just trying to make sense of the system we were pushed into.
It’s a lot.
Burnout in School Is Real & It Happens to Almost Everyone
You’re not struggling extra hard because you’re lazy or stupid. You’re struggling because your brain is doing cognitive cartwheels just to keep up with a structure that was never built with you in mind.
The constant academic hustle can drain your executive function, emotional regulation, and motivation — especially when everything feels urgent and high-stakes.
So here’s what helps for neurodivergent brains:
Register for Accommodations Before You Need Them
Even if you’re “functioning,” get documented. Accommodations aren’t just for when things fall apart — they’re your buffer so things don’t fall apart.
These might include:
- Extended time on exams
- Reduced course loads
- Flexible deadlines
- Priority class registration
- Note-taking services or access to recorded lectures
You don’t need to “earn” support by hitting a crisis point. You just need to advocate for the way your brain actually works.
Don’t Underestimate How Much Life Outside Class Affects You
The pressure to maintain a social life — especially if you’re living on campus — can be draining in ways that aren’t always obvious. Late nights, constant stimulation, and people-pleasing in friend groups all take energy from the same pool you need to focus, study, and recover.
Balance doesn’t mean isolation. It means learning to:
- Say no without guilt
- Build in downtime that actually recharges you (not just doomscrolling between classes)
- Choose friends who energize you instead of drain you
If You’re Working During School — Try Getting Ultra Organized
If you’re juggling work and school (or worse: working full-time and doing grad school), you need more than motivation — you need systems. Even if you’re not a “planner” person, something has to hold all the moving parts together.
Try these things that took a huge load off my brain:
- Digital calendars with alerts (I prefer Google Calendar)
- Blocking time by energy level (not just subject)
- Pre-scheduling recovery days during midterms and finals
- Meal prepping and batch cooking to protect your brain from decision fatigue (my partner stepped into help me prep meals)
And above all — be honest with yourself about your limits. Taking fewer credits or extending your graduation date isn’t failure. It’s strategy.
Want More Support Navigating School?
Check out this post on how to navigate higher education as a neurodivergent student; these are some things I wish I’d have known as a first-gen, full-time student, part-time employee, neurodivergent student at an elite university.
👉 College with ADHD: What No One Tells You
3. With Family

Your immediate family — parents or caregivers, and siblings — likely know you at your most raw, unfiltered self. They watched you grow up, hit milestones, and learn how to navigate the world using the guardrails they built or reinforced.
But somewhere along the way — especially in adolescence — most of us start to filter ourselves. We try on different versions of who we are. We seek approval, test boundaries, and adjust based on how people react.
That’s natural human development.
Over time, though, that filtering can evolve into masking — even with the people who raised us or were raised alongside us.
You’re still “you.” You’ve just been learning how to express yourself in a way that feels safe, accepted, and efficient. And let’s be real: No one wants all of your unfiltered thoughts — nor do they need them. Giving that level of access takes serious energy.
So if you’ve reached a point where you want to start unmasking with family — or simply be better understood — one place to begin is by naming what’s ADHD (or PTSD), what’s not, and what kind of support actually helps you.
I’m only explaining family here because we usually don’t choose who our family is, which can make getting along with them more difficult. Friends, however, are much different and getting along with them should feel super easy most of the time!
So, here are some pointers with family:
Clarify What ADHD Is — and What It Isn’t
Sometimes, even the people closest to us misunderstand what neurodivergence actually means. They might think:
- “You’re just disorganized.”
- “You’ve always been like this.”
- “You’re just making excuses.”
That’s frustrating — but often it’s due to a lack of exposure or understanding, not a lack of love.
If you feel up for it, you can help them reframe how they see you:
- “I’ve always had a lot of energy — but now I understand that’s ADHD hyperactivity, not just restlessness.”
- “I don’t struggle with intelligence — I struggle with working memory and executive function.”
- “This isn’t about not caring. It’s about how my brain processes information and emotion.”
Sharing an article or analogy can go a long way. Just don’t expect them to do their own research — and try not to get angry if they don’t. If it doesn’t directly affect them, they may rely on you to explain it in your own words. That’s normal.
I remember spending hours searching for the perfect article that could help my mom understand PTSD. I hyperfocused on it. It drained me for days and triggered flashbacks — and in the end, she didn’t even read it. I was angry at first, but the truth is, she didn’t ask me to do that. I chose to because I care deeply and wanted to be understood.
That moment? It showed me I had a passion for helping people understand these conditions — and it’s one of the reasons I created this blog.
Talk About Boundaries as a Form of Respect
Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away — they’re about building relationships that can actually grow.
If your family gets frustrated when you don’t text back, need quiet time after socializing, or get overwhelmed when plans change, help them understand why.
You can say:
- “I’m not avoiding you — I just need time to mentally reset.”
- “I care about this conversation and want to give it my full attention. Can we talk tomorrow?”
- “When I say no to a plan, I’m not rejecting you — I’m preserving my energy so I can keep showing up.”
You can also tell them what is helpful:
- Offers of help without pressure or no strings attached
- Emotional support or “lending an ear” without trying to fix everything
You Don’t Owe an Explanation — But You Can Offer One
If you have a close or open relationship with your family — like I do with my mom — conversations around my experience as a neruodivergent person can actually be healing. You get to show them how you’re continuing to grow and invite them to witness it.
But if you’re not there yet — or they’re not — that’s okay too.
For example: I know my dad will probably never read my blog posts or remember what I tell him about ADHD or PTSD, although we do talk often. He’ll still mention things I’ve asked him not to talk about. When I say I don’t want to hear it, he thinks I’m being too sensitive.
But I can understand where he comes from as he seems to adhere to some neurotypical standards of mental health norms: toxic masculinity.
But that’s not an excuse to disrespect anyone’s boundaries. So with him, I keep it simple:
“I can’t talk about this. If we keep going, I’ll walk away.”
Sometimes I do walk away. He doesn’t usually take it personally, and that works for us.
So, I reject this neurotypical way of thinking that he sometimes exhibits with the same dismissal, but without burning this bridge with my dad, whose relationship is so important to me.
With time, you’ll figure out what works with your family, too — especially when a family member cross a boundary. Relationships of any kind are two ways. They takes practice. And grace. And respect. Just make sure they’re worth your energy; just because they’re family doesn’t mean they deserve to be in your life.
Final Thoughts on Unmasking ADHD & PTSD
Rejecting neurotypical rules isn’t about chaos. It’s about realignment.
Whether you’re navigating a rigid workplace, an overloaded school schedule, or long-standing family dynamics — the goal isn’t to burn every bridge or explain yourself to exhaustion. The goal is to stop filtering out your needs just to make other people comfortable.
Unmasking doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful. It can sound like asking better questions. Setting clearer boundaries. Building systems that work for you. And refusing to shrink just to keep the peace.
You get to show up as your full self — not all at once, and not for everyone — but in ways that protect your energy and honor your identity.
