Moving Your Body When You’ve Spent Years Avoiding It
If you’ve ever felt ashamed of your body years after trauma, this one’s for you.
There was a time I didn’t want to be seen. Not by strangers. Not by friends. Not even by my husband.
That kind of disconnection from your own body isn’t rare — it’s heartbreakingly common after sexual trauma. When your body becomes a trigger, it can feel like it betrayed you. You start to hate it for the attention it drew, for the danger it invited, for the way disgusting men felt entitled to it. And when your mind no longer feels like a safe place either, it becomes a full-on shutdown. A total collapse of self-worth. But here’s the truth: none of that was your fault. Your body didn’t ask for it. You didn’t deserve it. And you sure as hell aren’t broken because of it.
So, for years, I felt completely out of control. And the only thing I could control? Food and movement. I stopped moving and started overeating. Not out of laziness or lack of discipline, but because my brain and body were screaming for safety.
I wanted my body to feel unrecognizable from the version that attracted harm. I thought if I changed it, I could avoid being noticed, avoid being targeted, avoid being touched. I punished my body for something I didn’t cause, because part of me believed it had betrayed me. But the truth is, it didn’t. I didn’t. And I’m learning that now.
That disconnection from full-body care became one of the most deeply ingrained, harmful coping mechanisms I carried — not because I didn’t care about myself, but because I was punishing myself for something that was never my fault. I confused neglect with control, and survival with self-destruction.
And now? I’m fighting my way out of it.
This post isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about remembering who the hell you are. It’s not a transformation story. It’s a reclamation story.
Stop Waiting to Want It — Just Start (Softly)
We just talked about how PTSD reshaped how I viewed my body and mind — how it shattered my sense of safety and self-worth. ADHD only amplified that.
The overthinking. The shutdowns. The task paralysis. The deep dread of doing anything, because you don’t know where to start or have thought too much about all the tasks at once. The gym felt overwhelming, overstimulating, and impossible. Too many steps. Too many people. Too many eyes.
So if you’re frozen, unsure, or stuck in that fog or freeze — you’re not lazy. You’re not weak. You’re reacting the way an overstretched nervous system reacts; by protecting you with its favorite tool: avoidance.
But eventually, I realized that my Justice Sensitivity — that ADHD-fueled outrage at unfairness — had been turned inward for too long. I’d been using it to tear myself down. But I could flip it.
I could rebel against my own brain. And I didn’t need a plan to do it. I just needed a tiny moment of defiance — the kind that says, “I’m gonna do something, even if it’s imperfect.”
Some days that meant walking into the gym and doing one set of a single exercise. Other days it just meant putting on my shoes and walking on the treadmill. Either way, I stopped waiting to feel like doing it. And I started moving, gently, on my terms and in a way that would make me want to go back to the gym.
Here’s the thing: ADHD is heavily reliant on dopamine which can trigger a need for instant gratification, so long-term fitness goals can feel abstract and unmotivating. Sometimes, we just need a boost to get going.
So let me ask you: What’s the boost for you?
Because for me, that boost wasn’t about the gym. It wasn’t about weight. It was about reclaiming my life. Refusing to let struggle define me. Refusing to let it become me.
I turned my rebellious nature against my own brain. I stopped saying, “I don’t have to go exercise because I don’t want to,” and started saying, “I dare you to get up and do something about it.” That edge, that defiance — it became fuel. Not toward perfection, but toward power.
I didn’t wait to feel ready. I just moved.
How I Start My Day to Set Myself Up to Win
Wake time: 6am.
I feed the crew first — three cats, one dog — and myself. Because here’s a crucial tip for ADHD brains (which lack dopamine) + anyone with a nervous system: According to Dr. Mark Hyman, Protein within 90 minutes of waking up can stabilize dopamine, improving motivation and focus. In the study he refers to, the subjects of the test group had 35g+ of protein.
My go-to breakfast ritual? A protein coffee that hits both convenience and cravings:
- Cold brew
- 2% Milk (8g)
- Collagen protein (9g)
- Protein powder (20g)
Then I take my meds (mostly PTSD-related, I don’t want to take ADHD stimulants), shuffle into my slippers, and start a quick round of Task Roulette. That means picking a cleaning task at random from my internal mental menu. It removes pressure and makes it easier to start.
Most days, I begin with laundry or dishes to stay ahead of the overwhelm.
My 4-Day Reclamation Routine
Between 11am and 12pm, I take my pre-workout, eat a banana, suit up, and head to the gym.
Tip: OxyShred has non-stimulant options for those on ADHD meds.
I work out four days a week, keeping it simple and sustainable. Each day starts with about 15 minutes of stretching and three core strength exercises focused on strength, mobility, and function (six exercises on full body day). Along with at least 10 minutes of walking on the treadmill, mid-incline. From there, I let Task Roulette take over — picking extra movements based on how I feel, without pressure or burnout.
Most days, that means push-ups, sit-ups, mountain climbers, resting squats — the kind of movements I learned in the military. For now, I’m mostly using machines to re-learn proper form, except on full body day so I can put my strength to the test and push myself.
For the majority of exercises, I do 4 sets of 10 reps, pushing just hard enough that the last two reps are tough — but not defeating.
It’s ADHD-friendly. It’s judgment-free. And it’s enough.
Monday: Upper Body Strength
- Shoulder press
- Chest press
- Tricep extensions
Tuesday: Lower Body Strength
- Leg / glute press
- Leg curls
- Hip abduction / adduction
Wednesday: Abs + Cardio
- Bicycle crunches
- Sit-ups
- Russian twists
Thursday: Full Body Burn
- Goblet squats
- Battle ropes
- Weighted lunges
- Push-ups
- Flutter Kicks
- Crunches
The goal is momentum, not mastery.
Tools That Help Me Get Out the Damn Door
Here’s what makes this routine actually happen:
- My favorite wireless headphones (they’re noise-canceling and gym-proof)
- Good gym clothes, especially a good sports bra (I get mine from Lululemon or Meijer — the latter actually has great options; both have plus-size options)
- Pre-workout I actually look forward to (currently obsessed with OxyShred and Amino Lean)
- A post-gym treat (Barbell protein bars are my current obsession)
- Playlists that hype me up like I’m in a movie montage, here’s mine
The Comeback Is Quiet — And It’s Already Happening
If movement feels impossible, you’re not failing — your brain is trying to protect you. That’s not weakness. That’s survival.
I’m not chasing skinny. Or discipline. Or a six-pack.
I’m harnessing self-trust and energy to chase that version of me who shows up for herself even when it’s hard.
And guess what? She’s already here. She’s just moving through the mess.
You don’t need to wait to feel like yourself again. You become her by choosing to move anyway.
