ADHD or Just Life? Here’s How to Tell
This post breaks down how to tell the difference between ADHD struggles & normal ones, how to navigate the gray area in between, and what to do next, ADHD OR NOT.
TL;DR Summary:
This post breaks down what makes ADHD different from typical stress, how to spot those differences in yourself or others, and find support — ADHD or not. You’ll also learn how to support someone with ADHD without overstepping, and why your peace doesn’t depend on anyone else recognizing your reality. You’re allowed to question your experiences. You’re allowed to take action. And you’re allowed to do it all on your own terms.
If you’ve ever opened up about your struggles with focus, working memory, time blindness, etc. only to hear someone say:
“We all do that sometimes.”
“That’s just being human.”
“You’re probably overthinking it.”
It’s usually said with kindness, an attempt to empathize. But once, after I missed a deadline — again — it stuck. I tried to explain that it wasn’t just forgetfulness; it was like time kept slipping through my fingers. Their reassurance wasn’t meant to hurt, but it did.
You’re not imagining the sting, either — and no, you’re not being dramatic for internally flinching when this happens to you.
But let’s talk about these moments: When someone tries to relate but ends up minimizing your experience instead. That’s not support. That’s gaslighting with good intentions — and it still messes with your head, whether you have ADHD or not.
And it’s okay to take a step back and consider if maybe there’s some merit to what that person said. Maybe what you experienced is just life. Or maybe it is something more. How can you know?
These are valid questions & you’re not alone in wondering.
Life is hard sometimes. But if the hard parts feel constant, overwhelming, and like they’re interfering with your ability to function — especially when you’re trying your best — it might be more than “just life.” It might be ADHD.
This post is for the ones who keep pushing through, not because they’re fine, but because they’ve been taught their struggles don’t “count.” For the ones quietly wondering if ADHD might be part of the picture.
Like the college student who’s just starting to connect the dots & figuring out who they are.
Like the mom who sees familiar patterns in her kid & while realizing ADHD is genetic.
Like the person who knows something feels off but isn’t ready to label it yet — or maybe never will. And that’s okay.
ADHD Isn’t Just Struggling Like Everyone Else
Yes, we all get overwhelmed.
Yes, we all lose our keys.
Yes, we all have days when we’d rather crawl under the covers than face our email inbox.
But ADHD isn’t “every once in a while.” It’s most days. Most tasks. Most areas of your life.
And when you’re constantly told, “We all struggle with that,” it chips away at your ability to advocate for yourself. You start to wonder: How can this other person, who says they get it, seem to handle it better than I am? Am I just not trying hard enough?
Let’s be clear: ADHD doesn’t make you less of anything. You just need different tools and strategies, because the world wasn’t built for neurodivergent brains. But that doesn’t mean we can’t thrive in it.
ADHD or Not? A Quick Way to Reflect
The DSM-5 (Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, which is like the bible for clinical mental health pros) gives us a checklist of ADHD symptoms, categorized by three “presentations,” or types of ADHD: Inattentive, Hyperactive/Impulsive, or Combined. It’s helpful — but also jargon-heavy. I talk more about these three ADHD types in another blog post; click here if you’re interested in learning more.
So, if you’re wondering where the line is between typical human struggle and something deeper, this checklist might help. These are DSM-5 diagnostic criteria, aka, patterns that often show up in ADHD — put in simple terms. Keep in mind, most of these will apply to you if you have ADHD.
Inattentive ADHD:
- You start things with the best intentions, then wander off and can’t seem to get back on track.
- You read a recipe five times and still can’t remember the next step.
- You ghost people you love because you can’t muster the energy to reply. Or, you forget they exist (out of sight, out of mind).
- You’re chronically late or miss events and deadlines you care about.
- You forget what you were saying mid-sentence and/or bounce around topics a lot.
Hyperactive/Impulsive ADHD:
- You fidget constantly or feel like your body can’t stay still.
- You interrupt without meaning to — because if you don’t say it now, it’ll vanish (or someone’s talking too slow and it irritates you).
- You blurt things out, sing lyrics that have been stuck in your head for days, replay or act out conversations (real convos or even fake ones).
- You act fast, then overthink for hours or regret your actions. Overspending on things that don’t matter while you’re in debt is a good example.
- You feel like there’s a rampant motor running in your mind that won’t shut off or is difficult to tame.
The third type, Combined ADHD, is a combination of the above categorized symptoms.
ADHD affects how your nervous system processes the world because you biologically lack a few executive function skills. It’s not about effort. It’s about the limitations of your brain. But there are so many strategies that can help.
Nervous System Overload Isn’t Just for ADHDers
Let’s zoom out for a minute: Every human being hits their limit sometimes.
When your nervous system is overwhelmed — from trauma, depression, anxiety, burnout, or ADHD — you freeze. You forget. You shut down. Because an overwhelmed nervous system can look like ADHD.
But when you live like this all day, every day? That’s when something deeper might be going on.
Whether it’s ADHD or not: You don’t need to pathologize yourself do something about it.
There are ADHD-friendly strategies — grounding exercises, sensory tools, executive function supports — that help every kind of overwhelmed nervous system. They’re not exclusive ADHD strategies; they’re human-friendly and supportive. But that’s not what we’re covering in this post. So, if you want to learn strategies, click here.
You Don’t Have to Reinvent the Wheel
You don’t have to figure this out alone. You’re allowed to reach for tools that work for you, even if you’re not ready to call it ADHD.
Some places to start:
- 💻 This blog – Real strategies, rebellious mindsets, no-BS truth
- 🎧 “Your ADHD Besties” Podcast – Insightful convos from people who live it & normalize the ADHD struggle
- 🧠 Mental health professionals – Therapists or psych providers can help you explore nervous system overwhelm and/or ADHD safely
- 📓 The Values Workbook – Free guide to help you reconnect with what actually matters to you, ADHD or not
- 📲 ADHD & mental health creators on TikTok/IG – For when a 15-second video finally captures your reality. Some of my favorite creators:
- Rich & Rox, @adhd_love_
- Grace, @future.adhd
- Alice, @the_mini_adhd_coach
- Geraldine, @cherry.adhd
You Can Be Gaslit — Without Letting It Ruin You
Let’s talk emotional spirals. Like when rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) takes over, which is when perceived rejection feels overwhelming (common in ADHDers), like a punch to the gut. Like a voice that says, “They’re right. I’m just dramatic and being dumb. Now they’ll never take me seriously.”
You might feel hurt, misunderstood, defensive, like you’re falling apart.
And guess what? That’s okay.
Feelings are valid. But they aren’t facts.
Here’s what can you do instead:
- Take a beat. Breathe.
- Remind yourself: They don’t get it — but I do.
- Stop oversharing with people who haven’t earned that level of access to your brilliance.
- Then, get curious about what you need next.
You are allowed to feel hurt without letting it own you.
You are allowed to pivot from pain into problem-solving.
That’s not denial. That’s resilience.
Want to Be an Ally to Someone With ADHD?
If you’ve ever said “We all struggle with that,” here’s your second chance.
Here’s how to do better:
- Don’t jump into comparison. Instead try:
- “That sounds really tough. Want to talk about it?”
- Validate without fixing.
- “I hear you. Thanks for trusting me with that.”
- Ask before offering advice.
- “Do you want support or just a safe space to vent?”
- Respect invisible boundaries.
- Not everyone wants to be your neurodivergent mentor.
- Don’t confuse productivity with peace.
- Just because someone “looks fine” doesn’t mean they’re not running on fumes.
Being an ally means listening more, assuming less, and staying teachable. That’s it.
What If Someone You Love Might Have ADHD — But Doesn’t Want to Talk About It?
You might see the signs. You might recognize the patterns. You might want to help.
But you cannot force someone to confront a part of themselves they’re not ready to face. Not gently. Not lovingly. Not even with the best intentions.
You can hold space, offer compassion, model what it looks like to care for your own brain.
What you cannot do is make their journey your responsibility. Otherwise? You become the gaslighter.
Your peace is not contingent on someone else’s self-awareness. That’s how we end up over functioning, over rescuing, & resenting.
So what do you do instead?
- Focus on your own tools.
- Help only when asked.
- Drop the savior complex. Pick up self-trust.
Sometimes, respecting someone means letting them stay where they are — and choosing to keep growing on your own anyway.
Final Thoughts: You’re Allowed to Wonder, ADHD or Not
Whether or not you or that person in your life has ADHD ever gets a diagnosis, it’s okay to notice that life seems harder than it should for you or anyone else — and to try a new approach for dealing with it. ADHD or not, you don’t need a label to start living in a way that actually supports your brain.
Here’s the truth:
- Compassion doesn’t mean complacency.
- Self-awareness doesn’t mean self-sacrifice.
- And love? Love doesn’t require you to abandon yourself while waiting for someone else to change.
Whether you’re figuring yourself out or watching someone you love resist that same process — this path is yours. Not theirs. Not shared. Yours.
Support where you can. Step back where you must. Protect your energy like it’s sacred, because it is.
You don’t need permission to rest.
You don’t need proof to pivot.
And you don’t need anyone else to wake up before you start living wide awake.
Most of all, you don’t need a perfect plan to get started.
You just need to stop waiting for someone else to give you permission.
And you already have it.
